Just letting you know

I’m not sprung
You do not have me under any spell
Of any sorts
I am not enchanted or bewitched
I just love you
From your thoughtfulness
To your corniness
And every craziness in between
This, us, is some serious mess
And I am a little afraid
But I love you
I am sure
Because you adore me
And notice all the attributes
I tend to overlook
While I critique myself inside out
And you show me everyday
I don’t need big words
I just need sensible conversation
Truth and frankness
And you give me that
So I love you
I appreciate all of your time
You try to fit into mine
And the effort you make
Just to ensure I feel safe
I am always aware
Of how much you care
You are not afraid to ask, show and tell
Which makes me feel compelled
To let you know
That I love you
Because of all this
Despite of all this
Throughout all this
You know when I’m off
You see what I try to hide
You understand my apprehension
You listen to me all the time
And so I want you to know
That even when I am scared
To stroke egos and reassure
In case I am being taken for a ride
That may end soon
I love you
I already do
So I just think it’s fair
That you know that I do

Xoxo

By dasouda

Light Up

I’m not a cigarette
I’m not a lantern
Nor a candle
Nor a bulb
But when you are around
When you land
When you touch down
I just light up
My face radiates
My entire being illuminates
You talk and I listen
You walk and I follow
You ebb and I flow
You plant and I grow
You knock and I open
You exist and…
I just light up
It’s not a thought
It’s not a wish
It’s not even an illusion
It’s fact
Not fiction
Wherever this goes
Will be luminous
No matter when
No matter how we get there
Because you are my flame babe
Old and new
For years to come and go
I’m your rib
I’m your teammate
I’m your partner
It’s a very good chance
You are my lighter
Smile with me now
Dance with me
Drink in these memories
We are making together
You can’t be lost
I’ll show you the way
Open your eyes
And watch me
As I light up

For..O.B.💜

By dasouda

Disenchantment

Take me to that place

Where I am no longer attracted

To your words or your anything

Where your atrocities nauseate me

And I can’t conjure up

An excuse worthy of expressing

Even in thought

A place where I don’t need a distraction

To rid my mind of you

What I desire

What I need

Is to get to disenchantment

That place where

I don’t stand dazed and amazed

Just by your very existence

By your presence

By you living, breathing

I don’t want to stand, staring

Into nothingness

Mesmerized by God’s creation

A masterpiece bar none

Reminiscing of times past

When we were not just addicted

To each others every motion

Every quirk, every word

But were content, truly happy

With being each other’s

Someone, only one

Now I just want somebody

To rip the band-aide off

To administer some sort of

Emotional laxative

So I can just move on

Move away

And let you go

Take me to disenchantment

I need this for me

Where breathing won’t be

A labored puzzle

Just easy

Even if you are in my air

Let it be as if

You are not there

I want, I need

Disenchantment

Because the opposite

This current state of opposite

Isn’t working out

For me

I have fallen in a pit

I can’t get up now

Help me out

It’s my last request

After this

You can go

Climb on your high horse

And ride off

Into the sunset

I want not to care

I want not to know you

Anymore

I want to be

No longer enamored

No longer crazy for you

No longer hooked on you

My once preferred drug

I want to be happy

Take me to reasonable

And balance

Sanity

I want to be no longer

Into to you

And having no desire

Of you

I want disenchantment

I want to snap out of it

Out of you

By dasouda

Missing Pieces

I am missing pieces of my heart

I have been searching for it myself

I have gone in grueling depths

Still no fragment presents itself

I’m missing valves of trust

I’m missing the muscles

That hold my faith in this life

I’m missing pieces of my heart

I’m missing my peace and my heart

I’m missing the natural flow of things

And auto-normal opening and closings

Where I open my mind

To kindness and admiration

 

I’m missing a piece of my heart

I’m missing a piece of my life

I don’t know why either

I’m missing the trust

I’m missing the smiles

I’m missing the solace

I’m missing a piece of my heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

By dasouda

This Is Where I Leave You

This is where the train stops

Where I cry my last tear

Where my wondering ends

When my wandering stops

This is how I leave this

This is when I leave you

This is why I leave this

This is where I leave you

Without a fight

Without protest

Without pain

Without feeling

Just before I fall again

Into you tumultuous trap

While you are gazing

Into the windows to my soul

Because you can’t love me

Not the way I have been loving you

And if I stay

You will forever be my trigger

Instead of my refuge

So on the edge of this avalanche

At the entrance of reconciliation

Just before we step into another level

Of this abyss

I am leaving

I’m running away from this

From you

From us

Before I fall for you

And fall apart

I’ll go this time

So this is goodbye

 

By dasouda

Pearl

An incredible love

Of timeless moments

Of endless conversations

And of unbounded smiles

An ageless love

Until we’re 70

And every single second after

Our love

Your love

My love

Why love me?

Is why I love you

Because you observe the unseen

You listen to the unheard

You touch the unreachable

The unattainable heart

This love

Is not a make-a-wish love

It’s a say-a-prayer love

Not a buy-me-a-drink love

But a rest-of-my-life love

Something soberly drunken

Ripping this smile from deep

Within

Shouting from my roots

Instead of just from the roofs

Screaming “I love you”

I can’t contain myself

This stupid, stupid love

Schoolgirl twirls

Teenage crushes

Heart skipping beats

Last thing at nights

First thing every morning

All day, everyday connection

Diamond rings?

No… it’s a pearl type of love

Timeless and sophisticated

Beautiful and enchanting

Unique and unbreakable

By dasouda

If Ever

If ever I ever get the chance

To spend some time with you

I would just sit as time slips away

And not let you move

Nor shift or leave

Or walk away

If I get the chance another time

I would just let you stay

If ever I ever get the time

To sit and look at you

I would stare, not go anywhere

Just gaze right through and through

I tend to want to do that now

But you’re nowhere to be found

So I am saving all of this

For the next time you come around

If ever I ever get the opportunity

To be in your arms again

I am just going to be

Your lady, your girl, your friend

We can talk like we used to

And laugh at silly things like we always do

Maybe I’ll never, but if I ever

I’ll be happy just to be with you

 

 

By dasouda

I Will Remember Your…

I will remember your eyes

Even when I can no longer see them

When I have to dig deep

And clear the cobwebs of my mind

When the windows of my life

Are closing shut

And the winds I hear

Become eerie

I will remember you

And your glowing face

Those ever rosie cheeks

And your ever warm embrace

I will remember you

In every part

I will never forget

Your beautiful heart

Your words so warm

And eyes that spark

You smile so loving

Like a glow in the dark

I will remember you

I will remember your evident love

You were always an angel

Now returned to the One above.

Rest well Aunty Pat

We all miss you now

By dasouda

I Bet

I bet you don’t even know

You light up my life

With your every existence

I bet you don’t realize your worth

I bet you don’t see

Tears forming in my eyes

Just because you are around

I bet you don’t know how I love you

I bet you just annoy me

Because you know I am smaller

Maybe more fragile

I bet you think it’s funny to tell people I’m older

I bet you laugh at my quirks

Like when I get furious

By your actions

I bet you think I am just the silliest

I bet you think I am annoying

Like I always know you are

And then some

I bet you at times forget how you are

I bet you didn’t know I carry you

Every place I go

Even if it’s in my heart, spirit and mind

I bet you are surprised to know

I bet you are the only one

Who gets away with what you do

Every time, all the time

I bet you love me, as much as I love you

<<Happy birthday baby brother OddLink>>

By dasouda

English Tea

You were that weird reality

That unconventional spark

That cultured, sophisticated

Light in the dark

Oozing with masculinity

And an overflow of charm

So intriguing and alluring

And uncomfortably warm

From your sense of style

To your European etiquette

Every fiber of you

Was more than I should get

You opened doors

And asked nicely

Carried my bags

And your taste was pricey

You waltzed to your own tune

Preferred your own space

Slept like a baby

Moved with experienced grace

Drank your coffee

Made me tea

Watched me sleep

Worshiped me

Not like these locals

A high speed stuck in one gear

You needed to go

Be among your peers

When you gave me a hint

I ran away from you

Because I wanted you to be happy

As much as I loved you

Then in time you hopped on a flight

To you country of birth

Gone from me for good

Farewell, for what it’s worth

No longer my English muffin

No longer my cup of tea

No longer my morning “cigi”

Now that you are gone from me

By dasouda

Her Hands

She’s been looking at her finger

Daily, admiring her left hand

Nobody knows it yet

But she has this elaborate plan

All set in motion

The days are winding down

By this time next summer

She’ll be dressed in her mermaid gown

The day she said “Yes”

To the man she loves unending

Is the very same day

She started planning her wedding

What color scheme?

How many guests?

Location, theme,

Her head spins without rest

Now she’s looking at her finger

Admiring her left hand

In just a few days

She’ll have her husband

Not just any old man

But her very own man

The one she has promised

To love and understand

She’s letting go of his hand now

Her father smiles with joy

His little girl

Now marries somebody’s little boy

She is a beautiful woman

But his baby nonetheless

His angel is happy

And he feels so blessed

She looks down at her hands

He pulls them closer

He holds his world firmly

His world is her

When she feels insecure

She looks for his hands

He hugs her tight

At every chance

She looks at her hands

They are so small and fragile

Her eyes so curious

Looking eager and wild

Her feet kick with glee

Whenever she smiles

She looks at how much

She loves this child

She looks at her hands

So many years have passed

They are now achy and withered

Her eyes, like glass

But his look hasn’t changed

For so many years

And his heart and his hands

Are in the same place

She looks at her hands

Clasped below her bosom

Mommy sleeps now

She is now gone

Her life was full

Of love and pleasure

And the memories

Are hers to treasure

She looks at her hands

As she writes her final lines

These hands have traveled

Stood the tests of time

Nobody knows all that

They have been through

Her lovely hands

Are now tired too

By dasouda

These Words

These are my words

No one else’s

I love you

Still

Against all my common

And other senses

I love you

Because

I still believe

You were made for me

And I for you

I love you

And that is why

I bore my soul

To you

Offered you my heart

On a platter

Offered myself

From head to toes

From body

To spirit

Offered my future

Without fear

Because

I love you

I still do

Even though

We’ve both hurt

Ourselves and each other

Even though

We’ve robbed each other

Of something celestial

I love you

How could I not?

I have, ever since

We met

These are my words

No longer

Bottled up

But we never knew

Or weren’t paying

Close attention

To our capabilities

Of annihilating each other

Our bodies

Our intertwined souls

Our minds

We turned each other

Turned us

Against one another

Until we got to the point

Where we blamed each other

And then we hated each other

But still these are my words

I hated to admit it

Firstly to myself

But I had to

I love you

I love you still

Why?

Because I never did

Un-love you

I never stopped

Loving you

It is the intensity

Of this love

My love for you

That was transformed

Into its dark twin

The nemesis

Hate

And so when I

Became overwhelmed

With all the anger

All the hurt

And all the defied love

I gave it all to him

Hate took the pure

Unconditional love

I carried in my heart

For only you

And gave me comfort

Or so I thought

So while I was angry

I hated you with will

Until I realized

I loved you still

I loved you the same

Nothing had changed

So these are my words

Even if you don’t anymore

I love you still

By dasouda

I Hope It Rains

I hope it rains tonight

I hope I sleep you away

I hope you don’t call

Or have anything to say

I hope I don’t wish to call you either

I hope it rains me to a drunken slumber

And all the moments we have been having, forgotten

I hope I don’t miss you

I hope I don’t get any “I miss you” messages from you

I hope I crawl under my covers

And turn off my lights

Because I don’t even want to think tonight

I hope it’s easy

I hope I don’t cry

I hope this time goodbye is really goodbye

I hope there’s some distance

I hope there’s some space

I hope tomorrow morning

Even if it’s in my head

I don’t wake up to your face

I hope you remember what you said

I hope we don’t have to say again what we already did

I hope it rains tonight

And wash you all away

Because right now, what more can I say?

I hope there is thunder

I hope there’s a flood

Anything to erase your words, your kisses, your love

I hope I don’t hear your voice in the night

I am tired of these fights

I hope the potency of you wears off

Before it wears me out

I hope you stay far away

As far as those dark clouds are right now

Because if you get any closer

Then in my own tears I will drown.

By dasouda

Out of the Mist

I wasn’t thinking of you

You were nowhere close to mind

But there you were

The way I remember you being

Just appearing out of the mist

Like sunshine after the clouds are blown away

You came out of nothing

Not a thought

Not a word

Not an action

You only came because I needed you to

The way I remember you

And as always I was no longer perplexed

No longer agitated

No longer saddened

No longer beside myself

Alas, I was back at one

Restarted and renewed

Rejuvenated just because

You appeared

Like you always do

As if my mind’s voice screamed for you

As if my heart cried out, beckoning you

And like a good soldier

You answered my call

So there you were

Without words

Without excuses

Without any form of  inhibition

Just the way I remembered you being

Just the way I liked you

Out of the blue

Out of the mist you appeared

I awoke from my sleep

And there you were

By dasouda

That’s Life

What’s life without purpose?

Not a life

Life is a kaleidoscope of “things to do”

Even if it is nothing, for a while

That’s just life

 

What’s the purpose of time?

Like any other currency, to be spent

Sometimes we even get to choose

The who, what, where, why and how

Sometimes no

That’s just life

 

What if all we do now

Is of no significance in the end?

Well, we still do what we believe in our hearts

Will give value to our time and purpose to our lives

That’s people, and…

That’s life

 

Life is time spent

Life is mistakes made

As well as decisions

Life is waking up everyday

Happy or sad

In sickness or health

Through riches or poverty

In mediocrity, failures, success or stardom

Whether we’re faithful or faithless

Because the moment we stop

The moment our time freezes

It’s no longer life…

 

(written 2014/10/26… Happy birthday, Mr. McGregor)

 

 

By dasouda

Full

I don’t know how this ends

I know how it started

I woke up one day

And I was empty,

Lost and unfolding

My insides were outside

My deepest wounds exposed

I was unable to think

Straight or otherwise

Unable to look at a plate

I was dying to sleep

This emptiness away

But I couldn’t even 

Close my eyes

I was dying

I couldn’t cry

Yet I was crying inside

All of the time

I felt desperate

My heart pounding

Out of my chest

I felt uneasy

Knowing the worst 

Hadn’t come as yet

I was lost

My eye couldn’t recognize 

My current situation

I felt like screaming

But of course

I didn’t make a sound

You who I’d loved

With my heart and soul

You who I’d accepted

Just as you are

You who I had bore

My emotions to

You took the knife

You gutted me

And you slashed my spine

You crawled into my world

The secrets of my life

And just like the serpent

You played until you got bored

Then you who I loved

Who I love in spite of yourself

Instead being mine alone

Moved on with someone else

I thought I was empty

But I was so wrong

I am full of everything

Full of anger

Raging red

Full of dirt

Full of the lies you told

And of your pretense

Full of what I believed

What I bought

From what you sold

I am weak

About to implode

From wearing out

Full of you

I’m growing old

By the minute

Full of darkness

An unseeing gloom

Full of pride

To let anyone else know

But how much longer

Can I hold on

To being full 

Any moment now

I will break and fall

The crystal statue

Will melt like ice

The Ice Princess

Will break like glass

And just like fine china

When I’m gone

I can’t be restored 

So another won’t get

What you had before

By dasouda

Pieces & Parts

You always leave

Pieces of your parts

With me

When you exit the stage

There’s always a part

Of you right here

And a part of me

Gone with you

I feel less of myself

After you and I untangle

Like I lose a screw

Or a few

During or after the screw

You leave

Or I do

And my skin

Seems less mine

I’m no longer

Ready to shake

What’s been on my mind

You go

And just like so

I’m a fraction

Of my known character

Loss for words

That went with the wind

Writer’s block,

Amnesia

Dumbfounded

We are together

And I am alive

The belle of the ball

Anastasia

But then you go

Just so you know

That piece of me

Goes too

And all who’s left

Are the parts of me

Without peace

The parts that long

For the day

I’ll truly own

Your heart.

Love.

By dasouda

Doing It Right

Maybe its a few minutes

Maybe all night

You can’t kill the mood

If you’re doing it right

The technique

Isn’t mechanics

Nor is it pure math

More art, less science

Some this and that

A twist

A raised leg

A bit more than a grind

Some bumping

Not-so-dry humping

Whatever it takes

To unwind

A full body check

From a well trained physician

Garments falling everywhere

Up next, an uncharted position

Knock, knock, 

Open up

And you climb right in

If ever it’s cold outside

It’s always warm within

Miles of skin to tend to

Miles and miles to explore

Arched backs

Sigh

Climax

Enjoying doing things

We’ve done before

 

xo

By dasouda

Black Book

Where will you take me?

And I you

On this promised journey

We have yet to plan

Completely

Will it be that place of coziness?

Of peace and rest

Where my soul

Will find solace

In and with another

(Yours)

Which mine will recognize

As much as itself

Where will we go?

Maybe so high

Above the clouds 

Above our cares

Above our deepest fears

Maybe away from here

From our secrets

Light or dark or heavy

As burdensome

As secrets can be

Because my soul

Like your soul

Has no flesh

Just spirit

So there is nothing to hide

Nothing to fear

And all will be revealed

It’ll be ok to look inside

I’ll call on you

And you on me

Just as it’s suppose to be

So we can arrive at that place

Where light meets dark

Our twilight

Where even frozen

We’re never motionless

And you’ll become acquainted 

With my beautiful mess

Simultaneously 

As I listen to your

Deafening silence

I’ll be your shadow

And carry you in my heart

On all adventures

On every journey

In every section

Of our hectic, over-elaborate

Lives

 

 

 

 

By dasouda

For All Seasons

For when times are cold

And I wish to be warm

Or just need someone

To bundle me up in his arms

To take his time

So we can both be better

To live, to grow,

To endure life’s weathers

 

For when its snowing

Until the ice melts into rain

Bringing more pleasure

Erasing the memories of our pain

I just want the one

Who’ll take on the role

Of enduring my avalanches

And flooding my soul

 

For when the days are warm

He’ll still have the power

To touch me once

To raise my body temperature

To have me ebbing and flowing

Tossing and turning

And when he’s not around

Wanting and yearning

 

For when life gets windy

And my mood swings

I’d want him right there

Going through everything

When the leaves change

And feelings fall

He’s going to be that one

My life, my all

 

A man for all seasons

A man for each and every day

A man I’d want to give my love

In each and every way

 

 

 

By dasouda