Some days I’m not even the worst version of the self I once knew,
I hide behind smiles or passive aggression, whichever suits the situation
Not because I need so badly to please others, but more because I don’t want to address whatever gets me to this state.
I have scattered thoughts of how my life is versus how I thought or wished or hoped it would behave been by now.
And I just feel that drowning effect of disappointment overtaking my ability to breathe and my will to live
My drug is mind numbing screen time that just makes me forget how much life batters my heart at times
And so I at times ask myself, “how can I combat this?” And I ask God the same question because I obviously don’t have the answers
And He tells me, “Trust me, for I have a plan, and it’s beyond whatever you think is possible for yourself. And whatsoever your deficiencies are, I am more than sufficient. So never ask “how can you” because you can’t, but I can”.